I recently read the book by Donna Rachelson and was captivated by the opening chapter. The chapter was to assist women to play the corporate game to win. It was thus important for a woman to burst the major seven myths as written by fortune.com. Fortune.com started the following as myths most women hold dear; (1) raising children stops women from getting to the top, (2) women don’t get to the top because they lack confidence, (3) women don’t aspire to senior leadership roles, (4) women don’t stick it out to make it to the very top, (5) women lack the leadership qualities needed at the top, (6) senior women leaders don’t help women below them in their respective firms, and lastly (7) formal flexible working arrangements ease women’s path to the top.
Men more Promotable?
It was also stated that men starting their careers in UK corporations are 4.5 times more likely to reach an executive committee than female peers. What shook me was reading how UK men, 38% of the sample, receive more than five promotions throughout their careers as opposed to only 29% of women. This took me aback and I had to count the number of promotions I have received to date. I have worked in banking for almost two decades and I only have one promotion. This was when I was called into a meeting room and told that I will no longer be a financial administrator from that day but rather an assistant financial officer. All these other times I had to apply for all my roles. What does this mean? Am I worse odd than a UK woman?
Black South African
I preceded reflecting on all the myths to evaluate my odds compared to UK women. It became apparent that I resonate with all the seen myths. In my circle, we used to substitute the word “Woman” with “Black South Africans”. Reflecting on this I realised that it was wrong. Not all Black South African men fit perfectly into the seen myths. What if the issue was that we were raised by single parents? These parents were predominantly mothers, aunts, grandmothers, or sisters. The “Black” families’ fate in Apartheid South Africa was acceptable to be without fathers. In my case, it was because of migrant labour. Most fathers were expected to head to gauteng (the mines) to earn a living. The families were left in the care of females.
Younger Boys
Younger boys like me were thus given chores that included assisting our mother with the household. My oldest brother was the garden boy, pruning trees, and looking after the dogs. I was more swiping, washing the dishes, and mopping the floor than heading for the fields running after cows. We had now cows. In 1996 my parents decided to call it quits and the court ruled all the kids in favour of my mother. I was ten years old at the time. Looking back now, I have been without a father all my life and my mother played both roles. I never cried during my father’s funeral. He was foreign to me. I thus become much of a nurturer given my mother’s dominance in my life.
Men as Nurturer
What does being a nurturer really means? It means I was a male man with the thinking and qualities of a female woman. This is not as extreme as some males in the Pride march. It meant that I was a male who was happy to be a male and became confused about what is written about men. I believed that I can either (1) choose my family or my career, (2) I lacked confidence, especially after attending leadership training, (3) I don’t aspire for executive roles and I’m settling for a mediocre analyst role, (4) I had no guts to stick it out for promotions to the top, (5) I needed more leadership training for my lack of experience, (6) need to lift others as I rise to show I can grow leaders, (7) I needed to do multiple occupations to survive. These myths of mine are almost the same as the ones in UK women. Primarily what we are being told in meetings.
Meeting Etiquette
I was in a Teams meeting at home when I was told to find another room in the house. The kids playing was disturbing the meeting attendees and battling to hear me. It never occurred to me because I spend all the time playing with kids. They are also allowed to come to chat with me even when I’m in meetings. It is better to have free kids in their homes. In my director training practicals, one participant unmuted to make a comment and we could hear she was nursing a baby. We were not on camera at the time. My sympathy went to her as I remembered being asked harshly to find another room. We were told that we all passed but there is one participant who they will contact. The moderator was a woman. It became apparent to me what was going to be said to the participant. How funny it is that we all a harsher on each other as previously disadvantaged individuals. It is better to serve a rich person all their lives than a poor person who has riches.
Leadership Books
I finally realised that leadership books that are written for men to succeed might not be a fit for me. They were for a rich person who was born in an environment with riches. My environment was not the same as the one written about. I also read that I will only be the result of my background and will never rise above it. It became clear that most women in South Africa have better advantages in leadership than I have. The only tough part is that they think I am a man thus previously advantaged. My environment created good corporate women in me but without the benefit of affirmative action. A slow career death with better prospects during retirement if you ask me. Finally, I gathered all the courage and applied and nailed the executive interview only to be told I lack experience. The new manager was male, Indian, and younger than me. All I heard was “the fat lady singing” marking the end of my corporate career.
Myths for Commerce
Many women might feel the same way. Insead recognised that today women are a force to be reckoned with in the business world. They run billion-dollar companies and are entrepreneurs and innovators. The only question is why are women still subject to many of the same old stereotypes that our mothers and grandmothers faced decades ago? Insead proceeded to list their own version of the seven myths. They were: (1) women are bad at negotiating, (2) women with kids will not have time to meet leadership obligations, (3) women lack the confidence to lead, (4) women executives are not supportive of other women, (5) Women aren’t made to be entrepreneurs, (6) women are bad at numbers, and (7) things are changing: It won’t be long before women catch up with men in business.
Both Fortune.com and Insead list are aligned. It was when I read the conclusion that had chilled my spine. The conclusion read “Remember that much of the conventional wisdom surrounding women in the workplace is wrong. Defy the stereotypes and don’t let the misconceptions and biases of others hold you back. In the meantime, take advantage of programmes that aim to spur and celebrate gender diversity in the business world, as well as support groups inside and outside your company”. The question in my head was whether these myths are even real. Are they just a list of things to get previously disadvantaged individuals to buy leadership programmes and masterclasses? What if I am enough and there was never a need for me to obtain eight qualifications? I had to change my life goals even in the face of being without a salary.
My Goals
I was recently asked what my goals were. It was shameful to admit that I was wrong to aspire to climb the corporate ladder for so many years and make that my major goal. Especially if I feel and believe that the ladder was never meant for me but for 38% of men in UK corporations. All that was required from me was to hold it steady for others to climb. They might mention my name during the acceptance speech when they reach the top. I had the experience that other men didn’t want to count. For this reason, I left two roles and the new recruiter was promoted to senior manager. Nothing stopped these men from promoting me and allowing me to head the function. Maybe it was the actions of a corporate woman in me that they didn’t like. I hate not my life nor my upbringing. For this, I’m grateful that nobody, whether man or woman, promoted me to live a life of a lie. The life of a leader is dictated by the leadership books and not what I feel is to be right. What is right or the right thing to do?
The Right Thing
I love learning from other people. Shows as I Blew It means more to me that having a conversation with a wealthy banker in a clubhouse. Besides not having access to prestigious clubhouses, I Blew It is like an uncle’s chat that is wrapped up in love and compassion. In this episode, Solly tried music from the 1980s without success. His sister advised him to open a spaza shop which later became a huge nightclub called Tsalanang. Decades later, he then became connected with music giants and revived his passion for music. But it was his love for the community that made him give back in the form of a soccer tournament.
The lesson for me came when his son committed suicide and it was during the quarterfinal stages of the tournament. The insurance company refused to pay out due to suicide and the tournament winners came knocking for the prize money. He used money reserved to buy stock to settle the funeral and prize money. This was preceded by the Covid-19 national lockdown and a barn of alcohol. He never recovered and is a laughingstock in the community. He advises us to be prudent with the blessing and only give to the community when we could. He regrets that none of the celebrities reached out to assist. Neither did the community he has been helping for so long.
The right thing for me has always been doing selfish acts. The Bible readers reminded us that blessed is the hand that gives than the one that receives. Or maybe there are verses that come before this one to remind us of when we should give to others. Creating a “lifting others as we rise” programme should not be at the detriment of our growth of livelihood. Solly gave everything away trying to uplift the entire community. Maybe UK men only assist a few, not a community, but make such a show for the whole world to know of their deeds. I might have understood it like Solly and many others in my environment.
Conclusion
I am a male and feel like a woman when advancing a career in corporate and business in South Africa. There are many writings about the myths we should burst to be better leaders and navigators of the business scene. Other writings, masterclasses, education programmes, ad others are dedicated to someone like me who aspires to corporate leadership roles. What I have learnt is that it is not so easy to apply these steps. This explains why so many women are still struggling to break through the corporate leadership scene despite South African laws being on their side. It has become even harder for an individual who is in an environment that is led by women who were previously disadvantaged in corporate and business. I found myself attending more sessions designed for women even though I’m a heterosexual male. The reason was that they were also helping me get unstuck in a world that is different to the one written about where 38% of UK males experience five job promotions in their careers. Maybe these are only for those with a UK mindset and lineage. I still don’t know what the solution is. I have decided that I am enough with all I have now. Bye to a corporate ladder.
